Trust is the bedrock of any romantic relationship.
Yet, when doubt creeps in, especially regarding infidelity, the heart can spiral along with anxiety and suspicion.
Anxiety in relationships is common, and it is perfectly normal to feel uncertain or worried at times.
Unexplained absences and late-night phone calls are obvious signs of a cheating partner ; however, some indicators can be harder to detect.
While it is important to be aware of potential red flags, constantly questioning your partner’ loyalty can erode trust between you.
Relationship expert Anita Fletcher of Fantasy Co, an adult toys brand, sheds light on 10 subtle signs that your partner may be straying.
But please note Mzansi, feeling anxious about your relationship is a natural response when something feels off. Approach these concerns with clarity and care instead of jumping to conclusions.
Not every red flag - subtle or not - means your partner is cheating, sometimes there are other explanations.
Below are the red flags to look out for:
Future-proofing the relationship
If your partner suddenly becomes overly eager to make grand plans for the future, perhaps suggesting vacations or discussing adopting a pet, this may be a psychological tactic designed to deflect your suspicion while easing their own guilt.
“This may seem reassuring, but it’s often a psychological trick, both to ease their own guilt and to keep you from suspecting anything. If their enthusiasm for commitment seems rushed or out of character, it might not be as innocent as it looks,” she says.
Hypercritical tendencies
A partner who once embraced your quirks may start to find irritation in small things. They critique your fashion choices, the way you chew or even how you phrase your texts.
“It could be a subconscious way of justifying their actions, convincing themselves that you’re not ‘good enough,’ so their affair feels less like betrayal and more like an inevitability.”
Altered texting habits
Cheaters often become secretive about their phones. A shift from sharing texts with you to keeping their phone out of sight or face-down could indicate a hidden life they don’t want you to see.
Some even delete entire conversations or switch to secret messaging apps.
“If they once shared funny texts with you but now act oddly protective over their phone, there might be a reason,” says Fletcher.
A suspiciously emotional playlist
“If your partner suddenly starts listening to break-up songs, love ballads or oddly specific tracks about longing and guilt, it might be a reflection of their inner turmoil.”
Unusual showering
While a hurried shower after work can appear normal, if your partner becomes suddenly meticulous or rushed, they might be trying to scrub away more than the day’s grime.
“Pay attention if this habit appears suddenly or if they seem extra thorough, scrubbing away any trace of where they’ve been,” the expert adds.
Random mentions of a new name
Constant references to someone who seems irrelevant in conversation may be an indication of guilty seepage, as your partner tries to normalise that person’s presence in your life.
“The irony is that many people accidentally expose their affair by talking too much about the other person instead of avoiding the topic altogether.”
Disinterest in you
If your partner seems disengaged and doesn’t inquire about your daily experiences like they used to, it could signify that their emotional investment is being channelled elsewhere.
“This emotional distance might mean their attention is focused on someone who excites them in a way they no longer feel toward you.”
Stopped fighting
“If your once-fiery partner suddenly stops engaging, shrugs off disagreements, or acts completely indifferent to issues that used to bother them, they might already mentally have one foot out the door.”
Changes in social media behaviour
Cheaters often adjust their social media behaviour in one of two ways: they either go silent to avoid leaving a digital trail, or they start overcompensating.
They keep accusing you of cheating
If your partner projects cheating accusations onto you, it may be a bid to divert the blame away from their own infidelity, a common psychological tactic.
“If they’re thinking about breaking up with you, they might be looking for an excuse to do so, especially if it makes you the bad guy, not them,” Fletcher says.
How to address your suspicions
“If you suspect your partner is cheating, the worst thing you can do is jump straight into detective mode or start throwing accusations. Instead, take a breath and focus on what’s really making you feel this way. Is it a genuine change in their behaviour, or is insecurity creeping in?”
She suggests that a simple, “Hey, I’ve noticed some changes in our relationship, can we talk about it?”, can open doors to understanding.
Listening and observing how your partner reacts can reveal a lot about their state of mind, she says that if they appear defensiveness or guilty in their responses, it might warrant further exploration.
However, if they engage sincerely and provide reassurance, these signals might not relate to infidelity.
“Either way, communication is key and if your instincts are still screaming at you after that talk, don’t ignore them.
“Digging deeper might be necessary. A healthy relationship is built on trust and if that’s already crumbling, whether they’re cheating or not, that’s something worth addressing,” Fletcher says.